Photo by Vitaly Gariev on Unsplash

There are days when I look around my house and wonder how the mess came back so quickly.

I have barely finished cleaning the sitting room and there is already a toy on the floor.

Someone has left shoes in the middle of the room.

There are clothes that should have gone into the laundry basket.

The school bags are somewhere they shouldn’t be.

And if I decide to ignore everything for a while, the mess somehow gets bigger.

With two children, this is just part of life.

But I also don’t want to be the person walking around the house all day picking up after everyone.

There was a time when it seemed easier to just do everything myself. If I asked the children to put something away, I might have to ask again. And again. Sometimes I would eventually get tired of asking and just do it myself.

It was quicker.

But it also meant that I was becoming responsible for things the children could actually learn to do themselves.

So I started giving them small responsibilities.

Not because I expect my children to keep the entire house clean. They don’t.

And not because I want them spending their childhood doing housework.

I just want them to understand that if you live in a home, you have a part to play in taking care of it.

If you’re also trying to get your children to help more around the house, here are some things that have made it easier for me.

1. Start With Their Own Mess

I think this is the easiest place to begin.

Before asking your child to help clean the whole house, start with the things they are responsible for.

Their toys.

Their shoes.

Their books.

Their school bags.

Their clothes.

If your child has taken toys out to play, let them help put the toys back when they are finished.

If they take their shoes off in the sitting room, they can take them back to where the shoes are kept.

If dirty clothes are on the floor, they can put them in the laundry basket.

These may seem like very small things, but they are good places to start because children can clearly see what needs to be done.

And don’t expect them to suddenly remember every time.

You may have to remind them.

A lot.

That’s okay.

The point is to get them used to the idea that their things are their responsibility too.

2. Give Them Jobs They Can Actually Do

I’ve made the mistake of giving children a task and then getting frustrated because they didn’t do it properly.

But sometimes the problem isn’t that the child doesn’t want to help.

The job may simply be too much for them.

A younger child can put toys in a basket, put dirty clothes in the hamper, arrange books, or help put away their shoes.

An older child can make their bed, sweep, help clear the table, fold clothes, or help with dishes.

The task should match the child’s age and ability.

The American Academy of Pediatrics also recommends age appropriate chores and starting children with manageable responsibilities rather than expecting too much at once.

And please don’t worry if their first attempt isn’t perfect.

If your child makes the bed and the blanket is crooked, the bed is still made.

If they sweep and leave a little dirt behind, you can show them again.

They are learning.

3. Stop Asking for Everything at Once

Imagine coming home and someone hands you a list of ten things you need to clean before you can play.

You probably wouldn’t be very excited about it.

Children are the same.

Instead of saying:

“Go and clean your room.”

Try breaking it down.

“Please put your toys away.”

Then:

“Now put your clothes in the laundry basket.”

Then:

“Please arrange your books.”

It’s much easier for a child to understand what you want when the instruction is specific.

I’ve also found that children can get distracted very easily.

You send them to put away their shoes and five minutes later they are playing with a toy they found on the way.

You have to call them back.

Again.

And again.

It can be frustrating, but giving them one clear thing to do at a time can save a lot of unnecessary arguments.

4. Make Certain Things Non Negotiable

There are some things I don’t want to have to keep asking about.

For example, if you take your shoes off, they go back to their place.

If you finish playing, the toys go back.

If dirty clothes come off, they go into the laundry basket.

If you use something, you put it back when you’re finished.

These don’t need to be big chores.

They are just household habits.

And once children know that these things are expected, you don’t have to turn every little mess into a conversation.

Of course, they will forget.

My children are not robots.

But when you keep reminding them of the same few things, they eventually start getting used to them.

5. Give Them a Job They Do Regularly

I don’t think children need a complicated chore chart with twenty different responsibilities.

For our home, I’d rather have a few things they know they are responsible for.

Maybe one child helps clear the table after meals.

Another puts away their shoes and school bag.

They can both tidy their own toys.

As they grow older, you can add more.

The important thing is that the responsibility doesn’t always depend on you remembering to ask.

If the same task happens every day, it eventually becomes part of the routine.

And that makes a big difference.

6. Let Them Help While You’re Already Doing Something

This works particularly well for me because there are plenty of household jobs I’m already doing.

If I’m folding clothes, the children can help sort them.

If I’m tidying the sitting room, they can collect their toys.

If I’m clearing the table after a meal, they can take safe, lightweight things to the kitchen.

If I’m organising a room, they can help put their own things away. you can also check my guide on 10 Brilliant Home Organization Hacks That Will Instantly Transform Your Space

It doesn’t have to become a big “chore time.”

They are simply helping with what is already happening.

Sometimes this is much easier than sending a child away with a task and hoping they actually remember what they were supposed to be doing.

7. Don’t Redo Everything They Do

This one can be difficult.

Your child makes the bed.

You look at it.

The pillow isn’t where you would have put it.

The blanket is uneven.

One side looks better than the other.

You fix it.

The next day, they make the bed again.

You fix it again.

Eventually, they may start thinking, “What’s the point? Mum will just do it.”

I’ve had to remind myself that the goal is not for my children to do things exactly the way I would.

If they are learning and the job is reasonably done, I let it go.

Of course, there are things I’ll correct when necessary.

But I don’t want every little chore to end with me pointing out what they did wrong.

Children need room to learn.

And honestly, I’d rather have a child who makes a slightly messy bed but is willing to help than one who refuses to help because everything has to be perfect.

8. Tell Them When Their Help Actually Made a Difference

Children don’t always understand how much work goes into running a home.

They just see that the clothes are clean.

The food is ready.

The floor is swept.

The house is tidy.

They don’t always see everything that happens behind the scenes.

So when they help, I think it is worth telling them.

“You putting those toys away saved me some time.”

“Thank you for helping with the table.”

“That was helpful.”

It doesn’t have to be a big speech.

Just let them know that you noticed.

Children like knowing that what they did mattered.

And when they see that their contribution actually helped someone, they are more likely to want to do it again.

9. Don’t Make Chores Only a Punishment

I don’t like the idea of children only hearing about chores when they have done something wrong.

“Because you did this, go and clean the house.”

That can make cleaning feel like punishment.

I’d rather my children understand that helping around the house is just one of the things we do as a family.

We all eat in the house.

We all use the rooms.

We all make messes.

So we all help in some way.

It doesn’t have to be equal.

A younger child won’t have the same responsibilities as an older child.

And obviously, you shouldn’t give a child a task that isn’t safe or appropriate for their age.

But everyone can have something small to contribute.

10. Accept That You’ll Still Have to Remind Them

This is probably the part I need to remind myself about the most.

Getting children to help around the house doesn’t mean you will never have to ask again.

You will.

You may say:

“Please pick up your shoes.”

And ten minutes later, the shoes are still there.

You ask again.

Then you find a toy in the kitchen.

Then someone’s clothes are on the floor.

Then you hear:

“Mummy, where is my…”

And you are wondering how you became the person who apparently knows where every object in the entire house is.

That’s motherhood. read also When Motherhood Feels Heavy: Honest Challenges and Real Solutions for Moms

So I try not to expect too much too quickly.

The children are learning.

They will forget.

They will get distracted.

They will complain.

And then they’ll surprise you by doing something without being asked.

Those are the moments that make you feel like the teaching is actually sinking in.

Simple Chores Your Children Can Help With

If you’re wondering what to start with, keep it simple.

Depending on their age, children can help with things like:

• Putting toys away
• Putting shoes in their proper place
• Taking dirty clothes to the laundry basket
• Putting books back on the shelf
• Making their beds
• Clearing their plates after meals
• Helping set the table
• Folding simple items of clothing
• Sweeping small areas
• Helping tidy their bedroom
• Putting away school bags
• Helping sort laundry

You don’t need to introduce all of these at once.

Pick one or two.

Let them get used to those.

Then add another responsibility when they’re ready.

What If They Refuse to Help?

This is where things can get frustrating.

Because knowing that your child should help and actually getting them to help are two completely different things.

There will be days when they say no.

There will be days when they complain.

There will be days when you ask them to tidy up and they suddenly become very tired.

I’ve been there.

When that happens, I try to keep the instruction clear rather than turning it into a long argument.

Instead of repeating yourself ten times, tell them exactly what needs to be done.

“Please put your toys in the basket before you bring out another toy.”

Or:

“Your shoes need to be put away before we leave.”

The more specific you are, the less room there is for confusion.

And if they genuinely need help, help them.

There is nothing wrong with doing a task together.

Helping your child doesn’t mean doing everything for them.

The Goal Isn’t a Perfectly Clean House

If you have children, you already know that a perfectly clean house can disappear very quickly.

You clean the floor.

Someone spills something.

You arrange the cushions.

Someone jumps on the sofa.

You put the toys away.

Twenty minutes later, they’re everywhere again.

I’ve stopped expecting my home to stay spotless all day.

That’s not realistic for us.

What I want instead is for my children to understand that when they make a mess, they have a part in cleaning it up.

They don’t need to clean the whole house.

They don’t need to take over my responsibilities.

But they can pick up their toys.

They can put their shoes away.

They can take their plates to the kitchen.

They can help with little things.

And those little things matter.

I’m not trying to raise children who can clean a house perfectly.

I’m trying to raise children who know how to look after themselves and contribute to the home they live in.

That starts with very small things.

A toy going back into its basket.

A shoe going back on the shelf.

A plate being taken to the kitchen.

A bed being made.

It may not look like much today.

But these are the things they will eventually learn to do without me asking.

And honestly, that is the part I’m looking forward to.